I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
