I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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