WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
