I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
