I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
