She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
