Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
