Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
