Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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