My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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