Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
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While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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