Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
