hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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