sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
