she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
