My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
is wine microwaveable?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize