Having a random hookup so left but love u
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
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We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize