Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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