Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
