How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
