So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
