Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my shit smells like andre
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
