Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
