I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
