I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
