After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm passing your future prison.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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