There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
