never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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