How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
