I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You ate ashes out of my bong
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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