im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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