I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
