You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
