Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
