So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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