Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
