By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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