Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
