I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
