i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
