He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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