There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
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FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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