I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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