What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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