I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
