Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
