his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
