I'm lost and stupid without you.
she smelled like a LAN party
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
