I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
