Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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