Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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