Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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