Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i came on her dog
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Randomize
