i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
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i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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