New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
