This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
