I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
