i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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