I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
