she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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