How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
