Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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