Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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