JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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