I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
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I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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