i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
