Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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