can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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