I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
