id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
